


It's Max's Birthday!!!

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Category: Sam & Max
Genre: Basically, Gen, i rolled a d20 and depending on what I rolled I made these guys to a good thing or a bad thing, its max's birthday happ borth max, sam dug his goddamn grave because he kept getting bad rolls and max kept getting ok to good ones, this is a stupid thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 13:08:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15244062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: This is the second stupidest thing I've ever written, I'm not giving it a summary. I literally only did this for a Sam and Max discord server I don't fucking know ok?





	It's Max's Birthday!!!

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna join the Discord Server of Legend (where this all began) send a message to @freelancegays on tumblr.

It was a hot July day, and poor Sam and Max were burning up. Their ceiling fan was on as high as it would go, but it did little to stop the heat. Being covered in fur wasn’t always a benefit. Max was trying to find something to do to distract himself, since Sam had stopped talking a while ago in favor of panting. But Sam was also deep in his thoughts. He could have sworn that he was forgetting something, but he’d done everything necessary that morning. And then, it hit him!

He'd forgotten to feed Geek that morning! Sure, it wasn’t like she was a pet, and she was certainly old enough to get breakfast herself. In fact, he hadn’t had to help her with food for years. In fact, he had no idea why it had popped into his head. Maybe they’d been talking about something important over breakfast recently, but he couldn’t remember for the life of him. Oh well, it couldn’t be anything very important if he didn’t remember it. Besides, Max was getting almost dangerously bored. 

Sam had an idea on how to keep his little buddy busy.

“Hey Max, come here!” Sam gestured to his desk as he spoke. Max’s ears stood at attention and he quickly made it over to Sam’s desk. “Would you take care of some of this paperwork? It’s really making a pile now.” Max’s ears drooped but he did smile weakly.

“I’ll try Sam, but you know that I’m not so good at this sort of thing.” Max said. He jumped up and took a small pile of the papers, and jumped down to his own desk. The papers almost broke it, but when was Max’s desk not almost breaking? Never. 

Sam noticed how blue Max felt, but he knew that sometimes the lagomorph needed to think something over. Max would usually share what was wrong after a little bit of prompting, but when he didn’t feel like talking, he’d react quite negatively. Sam took another few moments to look at his partner and consider saying something. In the end, he decided not to say anything, just in case. He took to staring out the window again, paperwork forgotten. Well, okay, not forgotten, but he didn’t really feel like doing any.

Then again, Max was actually trying to work for once, and it’d be really rude to leave him hanging like that. They tried to split everything 50/50. It rarely worked out that way, but this almost seemed cruel. Sam turned back to his desk and picked up a pen to start working. He turned to look at Max, just as Max looked up from the paperwork he was dealing with. They shared a small smile, and Max blew his a kiss. Sam tried to return the favor but he was still panting a little, and he ended up slobbering on his paw. Max giggled as Sam whipped his paw on his tie. Stupid heat.

The heat was making it very hard to concentrate, and Sam continuously found his mind drifting elsewhere. He tried to bring it back to paperwork, but after a while failed. Max was probably slacking off on it as well anyways. He’d found a solution to Max’s boredom without causing any serious damages to anyone or anything, and he could still sit back and relax in the heat. He glanced over at Max just to make sure.

As predicted, Max seemed to be drifting off into his own thoughts. But a second later, he shook his head, and seemed to push through the haze. He went back to filling out forms. Probably incorrectly, but he was still doing it. Sam couldn’t help but grin. It was so rare that Max would actually take responsibility for something, especially something as boring as paperwork. Sam would have to do something for Max later that day. Maybe a little ice cream, and a tiny bit of terror. Not for Max, for whatever perp they could find. That’d be good.  
After another bit of working on almost meaningless paperwork, it became apparent that whatever had been bumming Max out wasn’t going away. In fact, it seemed to be getting a bit worse. Max was still working as best as he could, but he was pressing his pen so hard that the paper was almost tearing.

“Hey, are you doing okay Max?” Sam asked and turned to his left. Max didn’t look up for a few moments, but when he did he smiled widely.

“I’m fine Sam! Why wouldn’t I be?” Sam frowned.

“It’s just that you seem pretty pissed at that paperwork. Which I understand completely, but I’m beginning to doubt it’s only the paperwork.” Sam tried to choose his words tactfully, he didn’t need to piss Max off anymore.

“Well, okay there is something.” Max stopped smiling and looked up at Sam seriously. “Do you know what today is? I don’t mean the day of the week Sam. Although I’m not sure of that either honestly.” Sam couldn’t help rubbing the back of his neck. Maybe whatever he’d forgotten really was important.

“Is it Geek’s adoption anniversary?” He was almost positive that was next month, but he could be wrong. It would be quite odd for Max to remember that, but not him. Whatever it was, it had to be important.

“It’s July Sam. Can you at least tell me what happens in July?” Max’s voice was a little strained, like he was almost reaching a level of actually being mad. Sam could tell he was fucking up but, he just didn’t know what at.

“Fourth of July? That already passed though, and we took care of all the stuff at the White House for that. I can’t think of anything else. What is it Max? Or are you asking because you forgot too?” Sam really hoped it was the latter.

“It’s my birthday Sam.” Max’s voice was still strained, and Sam fully understood why now. How could he forget his husband’s birthday? That was so important, and he’d been celebrating it since he was a very small child.

“Oh. Yeah. Is there anything you wanna do for that? Your birthday, I mean.” Sam tripped over his words, still a little shaken that he hadn’t remembered.   
“I want a divorce. You can’t even remember my birthday? Are you serious Sam? I’m done with you, it’s over!” Max was tearing up as he quickly stood and headed for the exit.

“Wait! Max, come on, it was one mistake, you’re being overdramatic! I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” Sam was out of his seat and blocking the door faster than he’d moved in a very long time. Max wasn’t having any of it though and he tried to move Sam so he could leave. Sam, using his quick thinking, loosened his tie and undid the first few button of his shirt. “Max,” He deepened his voice, almost to a growl. “I’ll do anything you’d like as long as you stay.”

“Anything?” Max looked intrigued. “I’m still pretty pissed, but really Sam? Anything?”

“Absolutely anything. I’ll let you top, I’ll fuck you as hard or as soft as you want, I’ll choke you, anything you ask. Just don’t leave.”

“You really really mean anything?”

“Of course.”

“Then parish.” 

The entire block could hear the gunshot, but since it came from Sam and Max’s office, no one thought anything of it. After two weeks of silence from them, Flint Paper went to their office to find a brutally murdered Sam, and no trances of Max. The DeSoto was gone as well, and Max became the first president to retire early, the first president to refuse secret service, and the first president to completely disappear without a trace.


End file.
